How I Lost and Found My True Self in Becoming a Mom

I can remember growing up that I always wanted to be a younger mom. I didn't want to wait too long to have children because I wanted to be able to enjoy life with them, be able to travel, and just simply be their best friend. At least I thought that's what I wanted. I thought I had everything under control and in order. I had a good job, I had been in a long-term relationship for years, and I knew that I was ready to start a family. But what I didn't know was that having a child was going to change everything that I thought I knew.

About six months into my pregnancy, the relationship that I thought was solid, was starting to spiral downward. I could not figure out why, I tried everything to fix what was broken. But the question was, "what was broken?". At some point along the way the relationship that I had been in for years had turned sour. I believe that the stress of bringing a baby into our world played a large part in the tension between the two of us. We both changed. It didn't make either one of us right or wrong, but the change we were experiencing only made the relationship unhealthy and even toxic. I was focusing on nothing but work, eating right, trying to sleep, trying to fix my relationship, and grow a tiny little human in my very large belly. And as a result, I was overly drained and exhausted. I had completely lost myself.

Fast forward a few months, it was time we meet or beautiful little girl. Of what was supposed to be the most wonderful time of our life, was nothing more than frustration because of the strain we had between the two of us. Don't get me wrong, once she was born and we had her in our arms, all of those emotions melted away and turned into love and joy as we welcomed her to our family. But even so, nothing changed between the two of us when it came to the relationship. Actually, it only got worse.

About a year and a half went by, trying to fix "us", but nothing would budge. I felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life. I wasn't the mother I wanted to be or even the woman, or partner, I knew I could be. I knew at that point, that a drastic change had to be made. Of course I loved him, and I wanted to be together as a family more than anything, but I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I had to make a move, for me.

I took a leap of faith, and trusted my instincts, began to study different healing modalities, and became the woman and mother that I knew I could be. It was all very "Eat Pray Love" minus the travel.

I had always used essential oils as a part of my everyday and throughout my entire pregnancy. And near the end of my relationship, I had taken a Reiki Level 1 class. From that point on, I knew somehow Reiki would become a part of my life. Throughout my healing process, I finished my Reiki lessons, became a Reiki Master, ordained as a Minister Practitioner, and got certified in Spiritual Counseling.

I always knew that I wanted my child to grow up in a holistic environment, healthy for mind, body, spirit and soul with no toxic chemicals or negative energy when it could be helped. When I collaborated all of my studies with this, it all simply made since. I finally knew what my passions and purpose was.

Today, I run a successful holistic center where I help women and spiritual women entrepreneurs, regain their confidence and live out their soul purpose. I provide several healing services, mentoring and even branding design for fellow healers, worldwide.

I know what it's like to feel lost, and nearly hopeless. But I also know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes you just need a reason to open your eyes... And to that, I am forever blessed for a beautiful baby girl.

Much love and light,
Heather Mattioni

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